The Entire Bible

There’s been a Facebook post going around which is just too good to lose.

HOLY BIBLE: the TL;DR version (too long; didn’t read)  

GENESIS
God:  All right, you two, don’t do the one thing.  Other than that, have fun.
Adam & Eve:  Okay
Satan:  You should do the thing.
Adam & Eve:  Okay
God:  What happened?
Adam & Eve:  We did the thing.
God:  Guys…

THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
God:  You are my people, and you should not do the things.
People:  We won’t do the things.
God:  Good.
People:  We did the things.
God:  Guys…

THE GOSPELS
Jesus:  I am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and want you to live.  Don’t do the things any more.
Healed people:  Okay!  Thank you!
Other people:  We’ve never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking.
Jesus:  I have never done the things.
Other people:  We’re going to put you on trial for doing the things.
Pilate:  Did you do the things?
Jesus:  No.
Pilate:  He didn’t do the things.
Other people:  Kill him anyway.
Pilate:  Okay.
Jesus:  Guys…

PAUL’S LETTERS
People:  We did the things.
Paul:  Jesus still loves you, and because you love him, you have to stop doing the things.
People:  Okay.

PAUL’S LETTERS PART II
People:  We did the things again.
Paul:  Guys…

REVELATION
John:  When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things.  In the meantime, stop doing the things.

THE END