How to tell you are in Holy Week

You might be wondering if your priest really does know it is Holy Week. Let me tell you how you can tell…

  • if she is eating Coco Pops for lunch because she didn’t get shopping last week due to the lack of a day off;
  • if she is eating Easter eggs, bought 3 for the price of 2 several weeks ago, for dinner for the same reason;
  • if the deodorizer on the cat litter tray is failing to do its duty;
  • if the dust all over the house is causing everyone to have allergic rhinitis;
  • if by Good Friday she is scraping mould off bread and slamming it in the toaster willy nilly;
  • if her desk is defeating the laws of gravity where piles of book lie stacked at a tilt and papers remain unfiled;
  • if she spends three hours, not in the Garden of Repose, but searching for the meditation that she wrote for it several weeks ago and filed it under either Liturgy or Good Friday or Sermons or Holy Week or…;
  • if the supply of black clerical shirts is so low that she is reduced to wearing a poly-cotton one that chokes her and turns her face puce;
  • if the hairdresser appointment had to be cancelled because of a last minute crisis and she is reduced to holding her head upside down, blasting it with Elnette and hoping that will do (it won’t 15 minutes later, I can tell you that now);
  • if the supply of Rescue Remedy is getting very low and she is glancing nervously at the cooking brandy;
  • if the last newspaper article she read was when someone posted on Facebook a story about a vicar and a potato;
  • if she decides purple socks will just have to do instead of black (likewise with bras);
  • if the thought of putting a transfer straight on a Paschal Candle reduces her to tears;
  • if the Mint Imperials are running low;
  • if she wakes up screaming at the nightmare when nobody turned up for church cleaning and decorating on Holy Saturday;
  • if her nails are still scarlet from Palm Sunday (now chipped) and not appropriate for the season at all;
  • if her bottom lip quivers at the slightest criticism;
  • if no articles have appeared on her blog for weeks, or suddenly there is a flood of them as she finds them suitable for procrastination;
  • if her adrenaline keeps her high as a kite from 5.30am on Easter morning until the last champagne quaffer leaves at lunch time when she collapses in a big lump in her recliner and vows to be more prepared next year.

That’s how you can tell if its Holy Week.

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10 thoughts on “How to tell you are in Holy Week

  1. How about I offer my services for the week for next year?

    Someone who understands liturgy, keeps calm during Holy Week under all kinds of stress, can cook/clean/launder, work out the logic of other people’s filing systems, would be quite handy to have around?

  2. Ah, so true. And this year I have the addition of visiting family AND a sudden onset of a large floater and some flashing lights in one of my eyes (yes, I got it checked out immediately – the doctor said that usually people are OLDER when they come in with this complaint). Today I am just sitting around in a daze, waiting for tomorrow when it all starts to go really fast.

    But. It is a wonderful time of year, still. I love it.

  3. Our vicar is now looking after three groups of parishes – that’s 18 churches – as the only stipendary priest. Admittedly he has a wife to provide meals etc. although she is a nurse so her time is also well occupied, and he can call upon three or four retired clergy for some services.

    Does it comfort you one tiny little bit to know that there are others even more stretched than yourself?

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