I came across this wee poem today in a book. It is called Twelve Things I Don’t Want to Hear by Connie Bensley
Assemble this in eight straighforward steps.
Start with a fish stock, made the day before.
The driver has arrived but, sadly, drunk.
We’ll need some disinfectant for the floor.
Ensure all surfaces are clean and dry.
There’s been a problem, Madam, I’m afraid!
We’d better have the manhole cover up.
Apologies, the doctor’s been delayed.
I’d love to bring a friend, he’s so depressed.
They’ve put you on the camp bed in the hall.
There’s just one table left, perhaps you’d share?
I know it’s midnight, but I had to call…
And it got me thinking about the things a Parish Priest doesn’t want to hear. Some of the above, for sure. Perhaps I might suggest a few more?
- The photographer would like to schedule a meeting to discuss the lighting for close-ups at the wedding.
- No, we didn’t really know the deceased. He really was a loner, was Uncle Tom.
- The Paschal candle won’t fit in the holder (30 minutes before the Vigil).
- We’ve never done it like that before.
- No, I’m not new – I’ve been a member for 53 years.
OK, over to you now…