‘Evacuate Mary, your house is on fire.”


3 thoughts on “Misheard

  1. My grandmother had a whole load of ‘mishears’ she liked to quote:
    “crucified under a bunch of spiders”
    “crucified under a bunch of violets”
    “Our father which art in heaven, Harold be thy name” (sometimes also ‘Herod be thy name’ which could lead to even more confusion.
    and in hymns I particularly liked
    “Gladly, my cross-eyed bear”.

    On a slightly different tack, when she was teaching the Bishop was coming to give his annual inspection and the teachers were a bit concerned about the kind of answer one little girl who was not the full shilling would give. She came from a very devout RC family and tended to give in answer to any question “The Virgin Mary” or something similar even if the question was 3×5. Well, at least the Bishop’s questions were scriptural and the teachers stood by with bated breath as the children were questioned in turn, At last he reached little Mary-Bridget, “Who were first witnesses of the birth of Jesus?” he asked. She stood up, curtseyed deeply, crossed herself and replied “The Blessed Virgin Mary” . The Bishop, presumably expecting shepherds, looked slightly taken aback then said, “Yes, yes, of course, little girl, a very good answer” and turned to the next child little knowing that had he asked “Who ordered the killing of the first born?” or “Who was swallowed by a whale?” the answer would have been the same.

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