The Twelve Days of Christmas – the revised politically correct version.

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically-imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other, in a consenting, adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be required to play a note),

TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically-disadvantaged female persons stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine-citizens,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally-protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-citizens producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally-sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (Note: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and…

ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.


One thought on “The Twelve Days of Christmas – the revised politically correct version.

  1. A couple of years back I did the guest list to my Christmas party to this song

    “12 churchwardens
    11 old schoolfriends
    10 councillors counselling
    9 men in wellies
    8 hungry hunters
    7 farmers farming
    6 former teachers
    5 ex-mayors*
    4 total strangers
    3 mad nephews
    2 dumb blondes+
    And a vicar who doesn’t eat meat.”

    *Actually 3 ex-mayors, 1 current mayor, and the chairman of the parish council – but near enough.

    +I apologise to Jeni and Jessie for the ‘dumb’ which is libel, but it is an epithet used frequently by Jessie’s three big brothers and probably also by Jeni’s three even bigger (older, not necessarily larger) brothers.

    N.B. Several people fit in two or more categories so not actually quite 78 people in the house.

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