Last word on mum

Probably the most difficult thing I’ve had to do in my few years of ministry was my mum’s funeral yesterday. But amid the prayers and support of so many friends and family, near and far, we managed to give her a great send off. Fr K stood by me ‘just in case’ and helped with readings and prayers and with only a few pauses for deep breaths, I made it through. Son No 1 read a wonderful poem – I’d pick more daisies – and looked so smart that she would have been proud.

Mum was a great hoarder and we have found copious quantities of letters and cards sent to her by us through the years. I made up a photograph album of her life and took it with us to the bun fight after the funeral. It was a great way to find out who some of the people were in the photographs and share some memories.

One of the nicest things to have come out of this awful time has been that we have become closer to my sister and her family. Just what Mum wanted.

Mum

The latest news on mum is that she is suffering from depression. No surprises there! She is desperate to die but her body is still not ready to give in. Her state of mind is such that she sleeps all day and even when we visit she keeps her eyes closed and faces the wall. The doc has given her anti-depressants but they take 10-14 days to take effect. A touch of irony there then.

She has asked to be taken off all her medication which included 3 different pills for her heart and now she has come off her warfarin. This could mean that she gets a clot. Her kidneys are failing but again this could take some time before it becomes fatal. Her wound is infected but she is not getting antibiotics. It seems incredible that she is still with us.

It is hard to pray “Thy will be done.”

Unexpected gift

Today I arrived in plenty time for a board meeting at the General Synod Office, only to be told that it had been cancelled and someone should have told me. Thought to myself that it wouldn’t be a wasted journey if I picked up some copies of the childrens’ liturgy which I’ve noticed St Mark’s don’t have. They had none.

I found myself out on the pavement thinking to myself that I had been given an unexpected gift. A whole day when I thought I’d be in a meeting and now it was free. My car was safely ensconced in the all day car park and I could do whatever I liked. But could I think of anything I needed to do? Could I think of anything I needed to buy at that end of town? Could I he**.

So I bought some flowers and went to visit mum and was just in time to follow the ambulance taking her in to the hospice. And I was able to do all the information sharing which has to be done when you are admitted and which I know mum hates doing.

Then I did some shopping (boring groceries) and had a wee browse round Borders and then home in the snow. And now I might sit down and read a wee book. An unexpected gift indeed.

Blogging about mum

My apologies if my blog is becoming rather self-indulgent. I began putting news of mum’s health on it to save me phoning round friends and those who were praying for her. And from that point of view, it has saved me a lot of phone calls and I do appreciate your comments and prayers.

But it would seem that we are not at the end yet. Yesterday mum sat up and demanded porridge. She did collapse later and the nurses had to be called to help get her back to bed. The doc has changed some of her pills because her blood pressure was so low (80 something over 40 something) and told her to stay in bed. Her wound appears to be infected too, but tests have been taken. So it seems that she is with us for a wee while longer. Thank God. And thank you for your prayers.

Mum

Not a good weekend and the doctor has been asking questions about where she would like to be when she dies, ie at my sister’s or in the hospice. It would appear that it may be imminent. Mum has decided that she would like to stay at my sister’s and she is okay with that. This is not what we had all planned a month or so ago but things change and that’s fine.

Mum is very, very tired and sleeps most of the time. An upsetting day for us all.

Mum

Well mum got home from the hospice the day before yesterday and apart from being tired and having pretty high blood sugar seemed not too bad. Last night she went down hill rather quickly and her blood sugar was too high for the meter (over 32) so panic stations ensued. Her insulin was doubled and my sister had to pour fluids down her like there was no tomorrow.

Today has been a day of doctors and nurses and insulin and fluid. She is very weak but that may be the diabetes. Doc said that she can go back to the hospice if my sis wants. We’re going to wait and see for a day or so.

It all changes from day to day.

Mum

Mum is still in the Hospice and is now on steroids which have helped her appetite but then she throws it up back in their face! But at least she enjoys it going down – the food in the Hospice is excellent.

Some of her drugs are being given intravenously now to stop her losing their effect. The doc says there is a possibility that the cancer is back blocking her bowel.

Today she has had 2 bouts of angina – as if she hasn’t got enough to contend with. She has got to the stage where she is tired and fed up. At those times she says she wishes she hadn’t made it through the op.

It’s all about quality of life.

And the commode came too

Mum arrived today to stay for a few days to give my sister a rest. She arrived with a car load of stuff, including a chemist-shop’s worth of pills, a list of instructions, and the commode.

This afternoon we visited the Oncologist and it seems that her Pancreas is not funtioning properly so she has been given enzymes to take which may help her absorb food better. She has been sick quite a lot lately and I won’t go into the story of her bowels. Suffice to say that giving her antibiotics which cause diarrhoea might not have been such a good idea, especially in a rectory with a dodgy loo!

Mum can’t walk very far now so we had to get a wheel chair at the Royal Infirmary. You have to pay £1 for these but you get it back when you return it – like a supermarket trolley. The one I found had obviously just been returned by someone who had been out in the pouring rain and it was soaked. We only had one wee hankie between us so it was a damp ride. But my steering has improved since last time and we didn’t hit anyone or anything.

We have set up a bed in the lounge for mum because she can’t get upstairs (and there’s no loo up there). When we got back from the hospital her dog which I am now looking after, had been up on her bed and pee-ed on it. That’s twice in a few days. He is 12 so there is no excuse, except that he must be upset by all the change in routine. Why didn’t he use the commode that was right next to the bed, I ask myself? Or his own bed? Yeh, that’ll be right.

Mum

Mum was taken in to the Marie Curie hospice this morning. She is not looking so good and is very tired, and they are going to try and get her medication sorted out so that she doesn’t have this sickness and diarrhoea any more. It is all a bit trial and error to find the right things that she can cope with so it’s best to do it in there where they can keep an eye on her.

She is in a room on her own which she prefers, and is looking tired but okay. The doctor doesn’t seem to think this is the end yet. So we keep praying.

Mum

We saw the Oncologist yesterday and were told that the primary site of mum’s cancer is probably the pancreas, and that she only has about 4 months. Reassured to find that the fatigue and loss of appetite are all part of the disease. Chemotherapy would be an option but would only prolong things by a month and a major side-effect would be tiredness so it doesn’t seem worth while. Now we aim for quality not quantity.

Mum had a moment or two of upset but is now quite calm and taking it all very well.