Ten years ago I visited the war graves in Belgium with a group of other theological students. It was a trip that has stayed with me since and which I shall never forget. The organisers were Toc-H and we stayed in a house in Poperinge, the first resting place for soldiers behind the trenches. It was a week of stories.

We heard of Tubby Clayton, the Chaplain, and why the sign above the house (Abandon Rank All Ye Who Enter Here) was so important. We heard of the people of Poperinge and how they kept the story alive during WW2 and looked after the contents of the house.  We sat in the hop loft which had become a chapel with a carpenter’s bench for an altar and banners embroidered by the men.

We visited Hill 69 and walked silently through the trenches. Even the schoolchildren were quiet that day. We looked at sepia photographs of death, giving thanks that red blood doesn’t show in sepia.  I remember horses dying in trees. A horse up a tree? It defied logic.

We visited war graves, row upon row of white crosses, name upon name engraved.  Some with no names – Known to God Alone.  And the German cemetery, solemn in the shade that day, and we wondered at the Jewish names who fought for Germany in WW1 but how things would change.  We stood at the Menin Gate while the last post was played and we wept.

We visited the Pool of Peace, once a bomb crater and now a place of harmony and birdsong. Did we see frogs too or have I imagined that? We went round the most amazing museum with sounds and smells and drama.

And at the end of each day we gathered to pray and to talk and learn from one another. I remember wondering about the women, for our days had been filled with masculine images. What of those women who waited at home, who had to take on difficult jobs because there were no men to do them? The mothers, the wives and girlfriends, and the children. What were their stories? How were their lives affected when their men didn’t come home?

I have no war stories to tell. My grandfathers were too young for WW1 and too old for WW2. I don’t know of any other relatives who fought or died. But although these stories are not part of my history, I now feel that I have dipped my toe in the war narrative and will tell the stories that I have learned to all who will listen.

This week I have to thank my gal pals for introducing me to Madeleine l’Engle and A Wind in the Door.  Not sure which gal pal recommended Madeleine l’Engle which put her on my wish list but I’m assuming it was one of my American sisters as the author is indeed from the new world. Actually the book I had on my wish list was A Wrinkle in Time which is the first book in the Time Quintet but another gal pal sent me A Wind in the Door which is the second.

These are children’s books but immensely enjoyable and intelligent. There are cherubims masquerading as dragons, journeys to defeat the Echthroi (those who hate) and a mission to restore brilliant harmony and joy to the rhythm of creation, the song of the universe. This is a book to read and re-read to find those big themes of sacrifice and redemption. I’m not sure what age of children may enjoy this as it is quite dark and the language fairly adult. A good book to read aloud, I reckon.

Once a year the Edinburgh stipendiary (paid) clergy get together for a few days in the Atholl Palace hotel in Pitlochry. We have a speaker and listen, absorb, reflect, talk, eat, pray and drink together. Each year is very different from the year before because of the topic and because of the people. I always get something valuable from it.

This year our speaker was Ann Morisey on Mission in Troubled Times and she was very good. We also continued our previous discussions about a College of Clergy providing informal and formal support structures. The latter has been a contentious issue with some clergy feeling that they don’t need or want any help whatsoever and others, like me, feeling that any opportunities to learn and meet with others for support and friendship is a good thing.  I think we managed to hear one another in our final discussions today and I look forward to seeing how things develop.

Yesterday we had some free time and Fr F took me to the House of Bruar which was a new experience for me. Oh my word. Pink gun socks. Why? There were some beautiful things and my new wish is for a tweed covered chair for my study.  Beautiful things indeed.

Pitlochry and the surrounding area is always stunning at this time of year with the changing colours. The heavy rain at the weekend had taken a lot of the leaves down so some trees were prematurely bare.  I’m afraid I just couldn’t get a photo of the view from our conference room window to show you how splendid it looked but here is some heather from the gardens instead.

Today I’m home and very tired. But good tired. As ever, being with people was fun and some new friends made too.

Wouldn’t you know it?  You sit bemoaning the fact that you’ve nobody to talk to except poor Son #1, who has taken to locking himself in the Ann Frank suite, when everyone calls at the same time.

So thank you Fr A & A who popped in for a coffee at the same time as my CMD 4+ interview with the lovely C.  But with the Pisky church it didn’t take long before we were all chatting about mutual friends and events.  My interview went well and I remembered most things I wanted to ask for in terms of ongoing training. Only a dozen emails were needed after to add to the list.

In the evening I was ministered to by Nikki who was really practising on me if truth be known. Nikki does degrees and doctorates like other people do shopping lists and she is also training for ministry in the Church of Scotland. I was ‘Sick Visit No 9 who Will Not Let Me Go’.  We analysed the church(es) as you do, caught up on who’s doing what to whom, and reflected on ministry.

It was such a lovely day full of people. And today I am setting off for Pitlochry for our clergy conference. I wasn’t sure whether to go or not, being off work as I still am, but have decided that my mental health is at risk if I don’t. Our speaker this year is Ann Morisey who I have heard before and was very impressed. And it’s not like the conference is hard work – some worship, some listening, some talking, some eating, some walking and some drinking. I might give the walking a miss.

History of Church in 4 minutes

Thanks MadPriest.

Reading:

Two charity shop finds have entertained me this week. The first was my lover’s lover by Maggie O’Farrell.  We did The Vanishing Act of Esmee Lennox at the book group and enjoyed it so was happy to pick up another of hers. I actually loved the premise of this story – a woman seeing the ghost of her lover’s former lover all over the place. It was a book about emotions and jealousy and insecurity and half-truths with some exceptional writing.  The one thing that spoiled it for me was the ending so am reluctant to recommend it. No, that’s not fair – the rest of it is really good so go for it if you can bear a poor ending. Just make up your own like I did.

The second book was The Miracles of Santo Fico by D L Smith. This is a book about love and miracles and forgiveness set in a forgotten village in Tuscany.  Father Elio is having a spiritual crisis and Leo orchestrates a miracle to set things right. There is humour and a light touch to what would be great holiday reading.

Watching:

This week I have watched the first series of Black Books, the comedy series with Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey and Tamsin Greig co-written with Graham Linehan (Father Ted). I had forgotten quite how funny this is so there has been much clutching of stitches. (And it was only £9.88 for the boxed set of 3 series so not to be missed.)

My sister loaned me a boxed set of The Lakes which was a series on BBC1 in the late 90s by Jimmy McGovern. I couldn’t understand why I had never even heard of this until I remembered that I didn’t watch TV from 1996-2000 which were my University years. Us oldies needed to study, study, study into the wee small hours. The series was set in the Lake District so beautiful views and back-drops but was very dark.  Murder, mayhem, sex and more sex, rape – it was all there by the bucketload. Good though.

Son #1 persuaded me to get The World’s Fastest Indian and we watched that one night. It stars Anthony Hopkins as a New Zealander (bad accent Anthony) who wants to enter the world speed record on a motorcycle – the Indian of the title. This is such a feel-good movie and really heartwarming. (Film group will see it soon!)

Also have watched the 1st series of Life on Mars which also passed me by. I was more than a little disappointed to find that I now have to watch the second series to find out if he gets back or not.  However, it was mildly amusing and passed an hour or so.

Listening:

Oh such joy since I discovered Spotify.  I’m sure it was one of the young people in the SEC who mentioned it in a blog or on Facebook and I’m so glad they did. Now I get to listen to all my favourite music on my computer without changing cds etc.  Found lots of my old vinyl on it which is probably unplayable now, having moved house a dozen times and they are still living in the garage. The ads are short and fairly unobtrusive too so bearable. Download it now! You won’t regret it.

And who have I been listening to?  Well since you ask… Bach, Dr Hook, Nick Drake, Faure, Barbra Streisand and Craig Armstrong.

Dear God, creator of women in your own image,
born of a woman in the midst of a world half women,
carried by women to mission fields around the globe,
made known by women to all the children of the earth,
give to the women of our time
the strength to persevere,
the courage to speak out,
the faith to believe in you beyond
all systems and institutions
so that your face on earth may be seen in all its beauty,
so that men and women become whole,
so that the Church may be converted to your will in
everything and in all ways.

We call on the holy women
who went before us,
channels of Your Word
in testaments old and new,
to intercede for us
so that we might be given the grace
to become what they have been
for the honour and glory of God.

Saint Esther, who pleaded against power for the liberation of the people. – Pray for us.
Saint Judith, who routed the plans of men and saved the community,
Saint Deborah, laywoman and judge, who led the people of God,
Saint Elizabeth of Judea, who recognised the value of another woman,
Saint Mary Magdalene, minister of Jesus, first evangelist of the Christ,
Saint Scholastica, who taught her brother Benedict to honour the spirit above the system,
Saint Hildegard, who suffered interdict for the doing of right,
Saint Joan of Arc, who put no law above the law of God,
Saint Clare of Assisi, who confronted the Pope with the image of women as equal,
Saint Julian of Norwich, who proclaimed for all of us the motherhood of God,
Saint Therese of Lisieux, who knew the call to priesthood in herself,
Saint Catherine of Siena, to whom the Pope listened,
Saint Teresa of Avila, who brought women’s gifts to the reform of the Church,
Saint Edith Stein, who brought fearlessness to faith,
Saint Elizabeth Seton, who broke down boundaries between lay women and religious by wedding motherhood and religious life,
Saint Dorothy Day, who led the Church to a new sense of justice.

Mary, mother of Jesus, who heard the call of God and answered,
Mary, mother of Jesus, who drew strength from the woman Elizabeth,
Mary, mother of Jesus, who underwent hardship bearing Christ,
Mary, mother of Jesus, who ministered at Cana,
Mary, mother of Jesus, inspirited at Pentecost,
Mary, mother of Jesus, who turned the Spirit of God into the body and blood of Christ, pray for us. Amen.

Joan Chittister, A Litany of Women for the Church
in The Living Spirit ed by Margaret Hebblethwaite

The target of this week’s rant is the DSS or whatever they call themselves this year – Jobcentre Plus, or whatever.

This week I have heard the story of three people who have been mislead by incorrect information which has then really affected them financially.  Each time it has been because the person didn’t just want to sign on but wanted to do something while waiting for that job offer to come in.

You can work part time but then they take 6 weeks to calculate how much to take off your fortnightly benefits and whack it all off at once.  Or you do a course and they say it won’t affect your Housing Benefit but it does.  The problem is that you never get to speak to one person who can help you.  It is so compartmentalised and it seems like nobody will accept responsibility when things go wrong. Always blame someone else.

In each case the family have had to step in and help out. What if there is no family? What if the family have no money? What if you just lose your house and end up on the street? Well then we’ve got a department for that too. But don’t expect us to accept responsibility.

No wonder people cheat the system. No wonder people work cash in hand while signing on. No wonder people don’t take on courses and ways to improve their job prospects. You can put all the money in the world into those schemes but if you penalise folk for doing them, then they ain’t worth a hill o’ beans.

On another matter entirely…

Can anyone explain to me why my kitchen light isn’t working. It is a long fluorescent tube and when you switch it on the ends glow a wee bit and it hums a bit (don’t recognise the tune) but it never comes on.

Aha! I hear you cry. It is the starter switch. Yes, we thought that too. But just in case it was the tube we replaced both. It didn’t work. Oh, then it did. For a day. Now, it is back to glowing and humming.

What do I do now? Any suggestions?

Last week Fr Kelvin asked Who Chooses The Hymns? It is a question I am often asked too. And the answer in my case is: I do. To be truthful, I do with a little advice from Andrew the organist. And let me tell you it is not the fun task you might imagine.

Each Sunday has a theme dictated by the lectionary readings or the time of year.  So we try to find hymns which fit that theme. (What do you mean, you hadn’t noticed?!) Then there is the length of the hymn to be considered.  You don’t want 12 verses for the Gradual but you need enough verses to set the table at the Offertory.  At St Mark’s we have some people who prefer traditional old-style hymns and we also have some who would prefer us just to sing more modern hymns and choruses. Finding a balance is probably the hardest job for me because I’m not terribly familiar with all the modern hymns in our book (Complete Anglican Hymns Old & New, in case you’re interested) and I suspect that Andrew our organist isn’t either.  And we all know how much people LOVE learning new hymns.

I choose the hymns about 3 months ahead and pass them over to Andrew who draws to my attention duplicates and suggestions. Things like ‘that one isn’t easy to sing while kneeling’ is really helpful. A will also suggest replacements but I have noticed that they are never the new ones!!

One of the biggest complaints I get about hymns are the lack of modern hymns. The second biggest complaint is that some of the hymns have been made more inclusive and some language is changed. I actually am happy about this but know some folk get caught out with the oldies they know off by heart. I think we always need to remember that newcomers coming to church may be really put off by archaic, male-centric language and that we should be modelling inclusiveness in all we do.

On the 15th of November Susan will be choosing the hymns. She won the bid at the recent Auction of Talents.  I was asking her recently how it was going and she said her problem was that all her favourites were Communion hymns. I can relate to that. I’m not sure there is a post-Communion hymn which I don’t like, in fact.

So, today’s question is:

What are your 5 favourite hymns?

Here are mine – well today anyway:

1. I Heard The Voice of Jesus Say
2. Come Holy Ghost our souls Inspire
3. As The Deer Pants For the Water (and As Pants the Hart)
4. Tell Out My Soul
5. My Song is Love Unknown